How

It is funny people keep saying - wow you are holding up so well - How am I suppose to act? I have 2 kids that have asked me to stop crying. I have 2 kids that need a strong mom. I have 2 kids that love me very much and I can not fail them. I do not know how I am suppose to act - I am not going to crawl up in a ball and waste my time being sad. Am I sad - yes I am devastated, I am mad, I am crushed, but I am hopeful and I have faith. Maybe reality has not set in. Maybe I have too much faith and hope. But that is how I make it through the day. I have to be strong to answer all of jaxon's questions. I have to be strong so they know it is not them. I have to find strength I never needed before. I have my moments. Just because it is not in front of people does not mean I am not hurting, crushed, and devastated. I have to make everything is "normal" for the kids. You really can't judge someone else and their ability to be strong because until you are placed in their shoes you have no idea how to act or how you will react. I am trying to fix myself. I am trying to be strong. So how am I holding up so well 2 names - jaxon and Katie!


Yeah life!